Be OK — Ingrid Michaelson
- un-disgruntle yourself
- comfort someone
- be comforted
- go to a quiet place
- press a magic button and fix everything
- get a hug
- see something cute
- hear rain noises
- play cute games
- cut something/someone (blood)
- break something
- open a window
- have a guided relaxation
- listen to nature sounds (or here)
- do nothing for 2 minutes
- play the piano
- make cute ecards
- make cool music (ex.)
- get an idea for what to do
- avoid boredom
- watch a dream
- have a stickman adventure
Wanted to share this helpful tool with anyone who needs it. A lot of people have a hard time putting their feelings into words and identifying what emotions they are feeling. This is called a feeling wheel. It can help you get to the core emotion you are experiencing and help you name each feeling when you’re overwhelmed with many emotions
If you are in an abusive relationship bear the following truths in mind:
· You did not cause the abuse. No-one deserves to be treated in that way.
· It is not your fault - you are not to blame.
· You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.
· You deserve to feel safe and to have a happy life.
· You are not alone. There are people who can, and will, help you.
As you consider leaving the relationship, remind yourself of the following:
· The chances are it will happen again. Abusers have serious issues which are hard to change. That will only occur if the abusive person accepts responsibility their actions and stops blaming you, anything else, or anyone else.
· You’re not helping the person to fix their problems by remaining in an abusive relationship. You are simply reinforcing their behaviour and sending the message that “it’s OK”.
· Even when the person begs for your forgiveness and promises to never do it again, those promises are usually empty in the end as the person is stuck in a destructive pattern.
· Although it feels scary to walk away, and you may be worried about repercussions, don’t allow your fear to keep you stuck. Remaining will usually have worse consequences.
Signs that an abuser is not changing (despite what they said – or promised in the past):
· The abuser minimises the abuse or says you are blowing things out of proportion.
· The abuser keeps blaming you for their words or actions. (“It’s all your fault. If you didn’t …”)
· The abuser says it’s not them – you’re the one who is actually abusive.
· He (or she) tries to push you into going for couples’ counselling.
· They say they deserve another chance.
· He or she says they can’t change without your help – so you need to stay in the relationship.
· He or she tries to pressurise others (family or close friends) to see you as “the bad guy” and to sympathise with them.
Abusive Relationships – Safety Tips
These safety tips can make the difference between being severely injured or killed and escaping with your life.
Prepare for emergencies
- Know your abuser’s red flags. Be on alert for signs and clues that your abuser is getting upset and may explode in anger or violence. Come up with several believable reasons you can use to leave the house (both during the day and at night) if you sense trouble brewing.
- Identify safe areas of the house. Know where to go if your abuser attacks or an argument starts. Avoid small, enclosed spaces without exits (such as closets or bathrooms) or rooms with weapons (such as the kitchen). If possible, head for a room with a phone and an outside door or window.
- Come up with a code word. Establish a word, phrase, or signal you can use to let your children, friends, neighbors, or co-workers know that you’re in danger and the police should be called.
Make an escape plan
- Be ready to leave at a moment’s notice. Keep the car fueled up and facing the driveway exit, with the driver’s door unlocked. Hide a spare car key where you can get it quickly. Have emergency cash, clothing, and important phone numbers and documents stashed in a safe place (at a friend’s house, for example).
- Practice escaping quickly and safely. Rehearse your escape plan so you know exactly what to do if under attack from your abuser. If you have children, have them practice the escape plan also.
- Make and memorize a list of emergency contacts. Ask several trusted individuals if you can contact them if you need a ride, a place to stay, or help contacting the police. Memorize the numbers of your emergency contacts, local shelter, and domestic violence hotline.
I have talked about some problems in the way that tumblr deals with self care in the past but here’s the thing-
if you conceptualise mental health and recovery as things that are inexorably linked- assuming, straight off the bat, that recovery is a universally achievable goal for people with mental health issues, you have a problem. The problem is this: recovery for some people is never going to happen. Some people are never going to not suffer the symptoms of mental illness. And that’s ok.
That is ok because the end goal isn’t recovery, it’s living a life that is satisfying, or challenging, or safe. The goal is fulfillment, in whatever way that means to you.
A measure of how fulfilled your life is is not how well you fit into a specific mould of NOT ILL. It’s how well you feel you are doing at the things that matter to you, and how you work towards doing these things. Each person’s life, each person’s needs, desires, wants, fleeting fancies, are different. What fulfills me one day (doing homework, talking to friends, doing my nails) may not be so great the next day, when I have a different focus (for example, seeing my friends is always great, but if I’ve been wanting to see my family or need to do some work then even though it’s fun, I should probably see my friends another day.)
The final goal is also not happiness. Happiness isn’t a goal, it cannot be a goal, because it is an emotion. It will always go away, and come back, and generally be very flighty and unreliable. The goal is to be in a place where unhappiness isn’t devastating. Where unhappiness is surmountable, dealable.
The final goal is not health. Health as a goal is unachievable; it is a state that you work towards, not a final checkpoint. Everybody’s health is different, and everybody has different ways of relating to and dealing with their own health.
Getting to a place where you can manage your own mental health is hard, yes. It requires work, it requires commitment, it requires facing up to things it would be far easier to ignore.
But understanding your own mental health is the first step. It is the difference between not leaving your room even though you want to do things outside but can’t, and not leaving your room because you’re doing things inside today that are totally awesome.
Recovery is not the end goal, because mentally ill people are not a monolith. What to you may be stagnation, stalling, stuntedness, may and will be for others the most fulfilling, enriched way they can exist, working towards developing the best them that they can imagine.
And that is not a problem.
I know that I have reblogged something very similar to this a long while back (on my actual personal recovery blog) but I’m reblogging it again here because I feel that this is something that is very important.
My blog is called diaryofrecovery but recovery as a word to me isn’t about getting over my issues and being “normal” or what have you, because that simply isn’t the way things are going to work, and that’s a misconception that a lot of people who are beginning to care for themselves seem to have. Most mental issues (like mine) are ones that aren’t simply conquered and forgotten, and trying to push yourself to reach that “ideal” just isn’t good for you.
What is important is learning how to take care of yourself, understanding your needs, and garnering the understanding of the the people who care about you to be sympathetic to these needs so that they can help you get through every day in a way that helps you to be more healthy. There are going to be tough days all our lives, and trying to get to a point where we’re able to just toss those out isn’t the goal we’re working toward. What we’re trying to do is make those days and every other day a little better, a little easier, and be understanding of ourselves when we simply need to take time for ourselves because there are things we just can or can’t do sometimes.
Taking care of yourself isn’t about beating the problems completely, and there’s nothing wrong with not being able to. It’s about learning to swim with the current of them.
weave silk is my favorite and seed plant breeder is super fun.
I posted last week asking people if they knew of some good resources for male victims of sexual assault. Here is the list people came up with: